4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
