If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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