You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
