just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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