so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
