At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
