My liver just broke up with me...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
