Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
