I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
