Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
