There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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