My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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