Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
