He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
