He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
