i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
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we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
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what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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