this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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