it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
