Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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