while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
