I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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