Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
