so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
