I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
