take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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