His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
