If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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