haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
