how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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