and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
