just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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