Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
