You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
