see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
