I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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