I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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