so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
