dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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