in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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