Pants 0. Shit 1.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
whose parrot is this?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
