I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
