I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
