i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
