Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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