I'm really into asian looking animals
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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