I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
