Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
