Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
