Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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