My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
