Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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