my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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