Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he thought i was a dude.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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