I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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