GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
