I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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