I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Someone shattered a urinal.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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