Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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