I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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