Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
sex in a hospital.. check
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
