i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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