Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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