I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
