Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
