I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
