My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
