just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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