Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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