Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
