ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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