I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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