I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
