it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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