I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
