she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
